Volume 1

I always knew I was different at an early age, my thought process and my emotions and what fed my pleasure was not like other kids. I was always in the middle of the pack in every group in high school, the nerds, the jocks, the rich kids, I could fit in anywhere and very well.
The truth is I felt like I never fit in anywhere but didn’t want anyone to know. Once drugs and alcohol came Into my life I finally found a sense of peace a sense of belonging, my thoughts slowed down and my comfort around others grew, the truth of the matter is I no longer cared.

After 20 years of this false sense of pride and all these different characters I had become and my ability to blend into any situation, I had completely lost my real identity. This feeling of no real existence drove me to a final thought of suicide. I had always blamed alcohol and drugs for all things bad in my life, but the fact is I was an untreated alcoholic with a disease of the mind and so began my journey of recovery and fact finding….a rebirth if you will.

With the fear no one in my family would understand I reached out to a total stranger for help. For the first time in years my fear and pride were put to the side. This one desperate phone call to a drug and alcohol treatment center turned out to be one that saved my life.

One phone call, an 8 hour flight, and a short drive from LAX to orange county and I was in detox for the first time. I was a broken man who had finally been defeated by his disease, I was desperate for change but scared to admit it to anyone.

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